Can't Keep My Eyes Open
by The Mystery is in the Words
Summary: My take on Love fades. Mine has. Just a one shot, but it may become a two-shot. "My tears wouldn't stop leaking through my eyes, though, they wouldn't stop. I even began to claw at my eyelids desperately trying to find one shiver of strength left within myself, but I couldn't find anything. I was as good as dead."


**Hey guys so I was bored today and decided to write a random one shot... This is just my outtake of what I thought should've happened after the stupid for letter phrase. I swear I wanted to Kill Dimitri when he said that... grr...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dimitri in this story...**

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"Love fades. Mine has," he whispered not making eye contact with me.

My whole world froze. He couldn't mean what he had just said, right? No it couldn't be true, it wasn't true, and it's not true. His words echoed through my mind.

_Love fades. Mine has. _

It's not true.

_Love fades. Mine has. _

It's not true.

_Love fades. Mine has. _

It's not true. I can't believe it he's finally given up on us on everything that he promised me. He told me that he wouldn't let anything hurt me, ever and yet here he was breaking that promise to me. Except it was something that he did. My lungs collapsed inside me as I just stared at him for a moment without thinking, my mind went numb. I couldn't breathe it was all just too painful to do so. I wanted to drop dead right there and never see anyone again. Nothing could've been this painful, nothing that I've ever experienced in my life.

"No," I don't know how I managed to get the word out of my mouth, but when it did it came out as a small croak. I knew that I sounded like I was about to explode in tears but it was true. "No," I said again. I completely lost my vision when the tears built up in my eyes. Now I was looking at him with like I was looking outside a car windshield when it was pouring rain outside.

Is that why it rains? Does the sky let out all of its problems?

Dimitri turned to look at me and I almost saw his resolve crumble in front of me. He looked pained yet determined as he scooted as far away from me as possible.

"You're giving up?" I asked.

"I already did Guardian Hathaway," I began to slightly shake. He didn't call me Roza or even Rose, "As I said before love fades. Mine has." The shaking increased and I didn't know how much longer I could actually stand there before I collapse on my knees. I held my ground and somehow managed to blink without spilling any tears from my eyes.

"You're lying," I was trying to get something, anything out of him that showed that he still cared about me. He looked back at me with an expression that I had never seen on his face before, anger. It was pure anger that he was looking at me with. "You lied to me." I don't think he knew what I was talking about.

"Do not tell me what I feel," he snapped at me. I flinched away from him and when I did I saw his anger fade from his eyes faster than I had ever seen a strigoi run, it was immediately replaced with his cold guardian mask. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me with that defying look in his eyes as if he was daring me to say something more. I didn't.

I ran out of there as fast as I could and whipping my eyes trying to get all of my tears out, but I didn't get very far because a hand grabbed my arm and jerked me back. Lissa was standing there with an even angrier expression than what Dimitri wore. She was purely angry right now.

"How could you do this?" She yelled at me. "Do you have any idea what he's going through right now? How he feels? Why don't you stop thinking about yourself for once in your life and consider what he's going through? You don't know what love is Rose, you're only eighteen how could you know what it is? To think that you left me for what you thought was love still sickens me, but I still forgave you." She did not just say that. Did she just say that? All of my sorrow turned into ice cold hatred and I had a feeling that spirit darkness was playing the leading role of this play.

" 'Don't know what love is'," I repeated her words feeling the venom crawl into my voice, "So you do? You're eighteen as well Vasilisa do you love Christian?" Her eyes snapped to mine and she immediately looked hurt beyond my comprehension.

"Do not bring him into this Rose it's not the same-."

"Oh is it? How would you feel if Christian got turned and I saved him, and he swooned over me like Dimitri is to you. How would you feel if he didn't 'love' you anymore? You would be okay with that because you 'don't know what love is' right? We are only eighteen," I told her in a sickly calm voice. She began shaking with hurt and sadness and I could feel it from the bond, but right now I didn't care.

"It's not the same," she repeated mostly to herself as if she was actually thinking about the situation that I had just put into her head before the hatred came back. "How dare you consider that Christian would turn strigoi? I thought that you were better than that, but I guess that Adrian was right. You're too selfish and bitter to think about anything but yourself. I hope you like paperwork because as of right now you are no longer my Guardian." With that final note she stomped off leaving me standing there with my mouth wide open. How could she say that to me? Did Adrian mean what he said?

I snapped. Everything around me turned a horrible shade of red and I just stood there for a moment before acting out. I ran to my room.

When I entered the room I noticed that everything was there before I had left for church this morning looking for him. Even the thought of him brought tears to my eyes as I picked up the first thing that I saw and chucked it at the wall, it was the picture of me and Lissa when we were dressed up as fairies for Halloween. The glass shattered and I flinched thinking about how my heart had the same reaction. The photo crumbled to the ground until I tore it to shreds. I took my dresser in both hands and threw it with a loud scream. Five minutes later everything that I owned was on the floor or completely destroyed and that's how I got here. Standing in front of a small fireplace and throwing pictures and stuff in it. I took another picture of me and Lissa at graduation and tossed it into the awaiting flames.

The fire made me seem even more at peace than I thought it would, but it did. Just staring at the small embers made some part of me feel better. Especially when I saw my memories burn and crisp before me. Somehow I thought that if there was no reminder of my life then it would mean that it never happened. My tears wouldn't stop leaking through my eyes, though, they wouldn't stop. I even began to claw at my eyelids desperately trying to find one shiver of strength left within myself, but I couldn't find anything.

A week passed and I hadn't moved an inch from my position on the floor. The fire long since had shriveled up and died, and I felt the same way. My knees were curled into my chest, my chin rested on my knees, and my hair was stuck to the side of my face. Sometimes I would fall asleep only to have the same nightmare over and over again. I would scream and again I would cry. I don't know if I even had any skin left under my eyes anymore. I could feel the dry blood sticking to my skin because it cracked every time I moved my head to rest on my knees. My arms were wrapped around my knees, and I was cold. Very cold.

My stomach had long gone forgotten what it was like to eat something. I should've died by now but I guess that dhampirs could last longer than humans. Although it was a good thing that I could slowly feel my life force slipping away. I had long since given up the will to live and I was just waiting for death to finally claim me.

_Death won't give you up a second time. _

I would certainly hope not.

A knock on my door interrupted me from my thoughts, but I ignored it. I thought that I lost the ability to hear long ago. Another knock sounded from the other side of the door and yet again I ignored it. Something was pulling at the edge of my mind, but I was too numb to giving any acknowledge of it. For too long I have just sat here and not done anything. I had blocked every emotion that I could ever think of and I did the same to Lissa's emotions. I couldn't feel anything right now and that's how I wanted it to stay. When I didn't feel anything then I couldn't feel the pain, I couldn't feel his words echoing through my skull like bats in a cave. I couldn't feel her disappointment in me, I couldn't feel Adrian's rage, I couldn't feel Christian's pity, I couldn't feel Eddie's anger, and I couldn't feel my own mother's disappointment at me. She always did think of me as that, a disappointment.

Why wouldn't that knocking stop? It was the only thing echoing through my dark room. I tried moving, but my muscles gave out and I fell onto my side with my hands still resting on my knees. I tried to move my legs away, and I did with great difficulty. They left my chest but every movement caused me pain because it just signaled that I was not dead, yet. Why couldn't I just die already?

The knocking became a little more frantic as I didn't answer the door, but I couldn't find the energy or the care to answer it. It was probably just someone coming to express their anger and disappointment to me. Someone called my name through the door, but my hearing was too messed up to actually hear who the person was. Too soon the door was forced open and light poured into my room more specifically at me. I screamed in pain causing my throat to cry at me from lack of voice and hydration. Frantically I scooted myself away from the light as if it was burning me. I found myself in the corner of the room where the glass was all shattered along the wall and floor. I could feel the glass slipping its way into my skin and I welcomed the feeling hoping that I could bleed to death.

Something wet made its way down my cheek and I immediately used my long nails to claw at my eyes. Why was I still crying? I thought that I was over that. Big hands wrapped themselves tightly around my wrists and tried to pry them away from my eyes. Whoever the person was, I'll have to admit that they were very strong. I was also very weak so it's not like I gave them a big fight when the hands removed mine from my eyes. I looked up and squinted as the light was still seeping its way into my room.

Suddenly all of the lights in my apartment must have been turned on because flashing white was all I saw next. I screamed and tried to move my hands back to my eyes but the hands had a firm grip on them so they weren't going anywhere. I found myself whimpering something, but I couldn't hear what it was. The person did though because they pulled me into their arms and scooped me off the floor. Soon I found myself being practically flying across the landscape of the Royal Court. It all passed by in a blur and I was thankful that it was night out so I wouldn't be blinded by the lights.

Another door opened and shut quickly without me being removed from the strangers embrace. When the door shut I was gently placed down onto something warm and soft. Something wet began to drabble its way onto my face and seemed to be going in whipping motions across my cheeks and eyes. I thought that they were tears and moved my hands, but they were caught by another pair of hands. The wet thing stopped and was forgotten as someone forcefully laid me down onto the bed yet I was pulled into someone's arms. I felt something dripping onto my hair, but I ignored it as someone was drawing soothing circles on my back.

Finally I actually heard something, and it was the voice of an angel.

"Oh my Roza, I'm so sorry please Malaya forgives me. Roza," the voice murmured.

I couldn't keep my eyes open.

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**So I might consider making this a two-shot if all of you guys want...**

**Love to all**


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